I feel so hopeless lately. I feel like I will never recover from my mental health issues. I keep having relapses after doing so well. I dont know what to do anymore. I just feel so useless and hopeless. I will never recover and I feel horrible about it.

If I knew what to do I'd do it but I don't. I just dont. I will never be normal. I want to be normal so badly its not even funny. But it will never happen.

I am so bored. I have about a little less than three hours until a friend of mine comes online. There is no one on to talk to and I cant stand it. I think I might download some music while I wait for her. I have a new computer and can do that now. I am always lost when she is gone and dont know why. I'll figure something out.

I'm currently watching YouTube videos to pass the time. I might play a game. Gotta go now. Bye!!

I am lost and confused about one of my friendships. It just seems to be falling apart like everything else. I cant stand to lose friends soits really hard for me to cope with it.I dont know what to do anymore; it just seems so hopeless. I feel so useless because of it. I just dont know how much more of this I can take. Someone help me!!!!!!!!

I feel like I am not in control of my life anymore. Its like my life has taken a permanent turn for the worse. I'm always on the computer and cant seem to be able to get off it at all. I also cant stop talking to my friend Alyson. I dont know how it happened but I want it fixed. How on earth do I fix it? someone please give me answers.

Well I had a bad week when my friend Alyson was out of town but yesterday I almost did something new. I got on a horse and almost rode it. i got scared and got off though. I'm a big chicken arent I?

I am currently experiencing pain and swelling in my left leg and it is black and blue. I am afraid I might have to stay in the hospital and i dont want to do that. What should I do? I am scare and very worried that something is seriously wrong as I cant really walk. Please advise me on what to do. I'd really appreciate it.

I have not been doing much better than I was at the time of my last post. I fell even more anxious and worrid and I had a manic episode on Friday night and Dad threatened to put me in a mental instiution if it happens again. he thinks I can control it but I cant. I dont like felling this way. In fact I hate it. But I am working on getting myself back to the way I used to be, not being online all the time. I am working on this gradually and I hope that in time, I will be back to normal. I will however need support in this. Please support me.

I was so antsy and anxious today. My friend Alyson had said she'd call me and she didnt call me till nearly 4 pm my time. I thought something bad had hapened to her I was siting on my computer and watching the phone waiting for her to call or come online and she didnt so started to worry. I dont know why I am like this. Can someone offer me some advice for this I could realy use some right about now. Any and al advice is welcomed.

Why does it seem like I am always in some kind of trouble? I mean, think about it. No matter where I go, I am always in trouble, doesnt matter where I go or what I do. This has gotta stop but I dont know how to stop it. I need someone to help me do it but I dont know where the hell I can turn for help as all but maybe two of my friends have abandoned me and I cant seem to be able to get any of them back. Maybe I should quit coming online or something since no one really cares about me anymore. I really don't know what else to do anymore. I am bipolar and on meds for it but now its as though the meds don't work anymore and I am at a loss for what to do. *sigh* Only time will tell but I really dont think I'll be online much anymore. Maybe I will maybe I wont. Who knows?

here are some lyrics to a song I like. I'm in a song learning mood.

( This is me )

What the hell is wrong with my life?! Lets see I think I'm bipolar, on meds for ait and the meds sometimes stop working. Why me?! I hate this I really do. Someone help me figure this out please. I'd really appreciate it I have had lots of time where the meds stop working and these are really strong meds so I dunno what is going on here. Someone help me please.

Why do I get the feeling that I'm not getting my friends back? I miss them terribly and they wont hear that I have changed. I am beginning to wonder if they will ever hear my pleas for them to come back. This is why I am depressed lately. I have lost so many friends and can't bear it to lose them.

It just hurts so much. I miss them and they wont even look back. I wonder what I have to do to get them back. I wish someone would help me get them back. I am holding onto my last thread of hope of getting them back.I just hope I get them back. That is all I want right now is my friends back. I know I said this already but I really hope I get them back.

I feel really down today and dont know why. I am really worried that a friend who isnt talking to me might never talk to me again despite efforts to reinstate the friendship. I am worried that I'll be back in square one. I hate feeling like this. I dont want to feel like this yet I do and it really fucking sucks. and now I know its a no go. Why me?

Also I am getting ripped off with my money and cant stop it. That really pisses me off. Its my money not Gran's or Dad's. I need to move out but cant due to a lack of money. I hate my life I really do. Can anyone help me fix this?

how hard is it to just send me a new food stamps card!!!! it takes me TWO DAYS just to do this!!!!! What the fuck is going on around here?! Are all these officials asleep or something?! It aint that hard to pick up a phone people!!!! God I hate certain people!!!! No scratch that, I hate idiots!!!!

i decided to make my journal public again. please comment.

i'm in the process of making my journal freinds only. i will let you know when i have managed it.